My Angel, Barney

This will be my first Christmas without my angel, Barney. What? No buying of catnip or more batteries for the laser light that he chased for endless evenings? My heart weighs heavy when I think of it that way. But things have come full circle. My very first post here was about Barney. It was just a few months ago, but it seems like forever since I've seen him.

To anyone else I suppose he was just another black cat. But for me he was a delightful companion who gave me comfort and laughter and little kitty kisses when I needed them ( and when I didn't lol ).

No matter where he was, if I stirred from where I was, or even looked like I was going to stir, he was there following my every footstep. He had to investigate everything. His curiosity was perpetual and limitless. Many times I fell because I didn't want to step on him. The winding around my feet never became comfortable. But I'm happy to say that only twice did I nip his toes under my feet. He let out a God-awful merooooooow and was off hiding for an hour or so.

We had our rituals. We'd only eat together. And although he loved to stick his nose in my plate to see what was hanging around there, he would never lower himself to eat people food. He would lick the tuna juice that I would save from a can of tuna, but do you think he would actually eat the tuna itself? Oh, no... he had his standards!

Each day there would be some sort of exercise for him. He sure loved the laser beam. He never did quite figure out it was a light. And as for toys, he never bothered much with those things. He'd rather hear the sound of crumpling paper and chase that around. Or maybe a good old brown paper grocery bag. That would provide him with hours of fun plus a place to hide.

He also had a plastic disc that was shaped like a tire. Inside it was a ball that he would make spin around the inside about 200 mph. When he got the urge to do that while I was sleeping I would wake to that sound. Until I got used to it I'd wake up in a fright. For some reason it sounded like water running. But after the 800th time I knew it was just him playing.

He had this other odd habit too. He would sit in the corner and just stare. It seemed as though he was looking at something. For the first kabillion times I went to look. I figured he was checking out some spider making a web. But I never found anything. And it wasn't just in one place we lived either. It was every place. There would always be some corner that was exclusively 'his.' A friend suggested one time that perhaps he did see something... something beyond our realm... something that maybe only animals could see. I asked Barney but he wasn't telling.

For a time I had him playing fetch. That's the problem with cats as opposed to dogs. Dogs get the idea that if they want to keep playing they have to bring it back. Cats never get that part. But Barney did. I made a big thing out of it and he would prance up to me ten feet tall and proud and lay his prize at my feet! Yeah.. he was my best bud all right.

But God had other plans. And, in the summer, just days before his 19th birthday, Barney crossed the Rainbow Bridge to be in the light of God for the coming eternity. He was so sick, poor fellow. The loving part of me was happy that he wouldn't have to feel pain any more. The selfish part of me wanted to keep him forever and ever.

Weeks passed it seemed and I couldn't go a day without crying. And I was even able to pet other cats and not feel the need to crush them in my mourning. But when I saw this picture I felt the pain once again of missing him and his antics. I felt the loss of feeling his little body stretched out next to mine as I rolled over in the night. And I felt the heartache of knowing I would never again feel his kitty kisses.

It's strange what the holidays do to a person, huh? All the remember-whens seep in and compete for attention. All the warm fuzzies come back and let you know what you have really lost. All the good memories come back in a flood it seems and you feel as if you may drown from the weight of that sea crushing down on you.

What better time of year to try to remember who lost the most for each of us? What better time to celebrate the birth of a King? What better time to know how precious our time is here and that life is worth the living... just because He lived... and continues to live?

Dust off your angels today. Bring them out into the light once again. Be glad you had them if only for a brief time. Celebrate the memories they left with you and know that one day you will be together again.